And A BIG Helping Of Stupidity

Along life’s pathways, believe it or not, there have been many lessons learned and still others that should have been learned, yet, for some bizarre reason, were not. And still some lessons that were learned, but have long since been forgotten.  Now before you decide that I’m a blithering escapee from the Asylum For The Terminally Idiotic, which I realize that you’ve already decided, allow me to state for the record that I USED to be young and stupid, as evidenced by my last entry.  Thankfully there are some, let’s call them “adventures”, have long become dust bunnies in my mind and every so often will manage to woodle back into the line of memory.

When I was in High School, I played in the band.  Yes, I realize that such an admission immediately ignites the GEEK lamp, but it is what it is.  Three out of the four years it took me to finish High School, the band took an annual trip to Disney World in order to march in one of their parades.  On these trips, many many MANY discoveries were made.

• Shampoo bottles do not always contain shampoo.  Just sayin’.
• Bus drivers do not like it when you try to fit 18 people into the bus toilet.  Especially when one of the participants falls into the blue water.
• It is ALWAYS a bad idea to march behind horses in a parade.
• Chaperones only present a challenge, they are not a deterrent.
• The people who work at the Happiest Place On Earth aren’t really happy when you escape your boat on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride and attempt to become part of the scenery.
• It is never a good idea to eat four chili-dogs before riding Space Mountain.
• Teenage boys are, for the most part, pigs.
• Leaving your suitcase unlocked will result in the fly of your underwear being sewn shut.
• For teenaged girls (or females of any age actually), if you are bold enough to show it, we are bold enough to look. So if you don’t want all guys to look, don’t show it.
• Teenage girls can climb from balcony to balcony like spider monkeys.
• If you want to have a hot shower, get out of bed earlier than everyone else.
• If you aren’t attentive, your shoes might get super-glued to the floor.
• The toilet seat is hinged for a reason. And might I add, if your aim is so bad that you miss that large bowl of water, you’re either lazy, or far too distracted.
• Yes, farts can ignite.
• Snow White has quite the creative vocabulary if one is improper towards her.
• Goofy smoked cigars behind the fence.
• Amorous chaperones who are vocal will attract a crowd.
• Hotel security are not fond of having the luggage carriers used as toys.
• And finally, teenage boys can stink up an elevator in less than three floors.

Since my high school days, there have been innumerable lessons learned which have been invaluable.  Perhaps one of the most important ones: “No one owes you a living, if you need money get out and work for it.  If you are so much smarter than your parents, then you would be paying their way instead of the other way around.”  That one was taught by my parents.

Ah, and thus I shall repair to my recliner, drink my coffee, and reminisce…perchance to actually remember.