Good afternoon. I realize it’s been a while since last I let loose the gerbils of my mind for some fresh air, so whilst they are having a romp about, you are stuck with me.
When you stop laughing and start breathing, we can continue…..
Here’s a gasper for you, a realization that slapped me awake faster than my morning coffee: I’m not perfect! Give that a moment to sink in and the screaming of disbelief to subside.
It’s true though. I am in no way perfect, or invincible, or “good enough” by any standard. But guess what? I don’t care! I’m not here to impress anyone, smug though that may sound, it is, nonetheless, the truth. I am rather an introvert, not given much in the way of “chatting” or small talk. As a matter of fact, I am a contemplative by nature, preferring to ponder and consider and observe. That moment when you pick your underwear out of your butt and thought no one saw, you were seen by a contemplative. I’m the person in the car next to you cringing while you attempt to sing the high part on Bohemian Rhapsody (and let you get well ahead of me in traffic so I no longer have to hear it).
But for most of my life, I dealt with Atelophobia. I believe most of us have to some degree, and many still face it every day. Atelophobia, for those who haven’t looked it up by now, is the fear of being “imperfect or not good enough.” In a world that demands perfection, it’s difficult not to have this phobia. Thank goodness for airbrushing photos, photoshop, masks, and darkness (those who have photos of me are thankful for these).
But here’s the part I like best: I no longer care. I have FINALLY reached the point in life where I no longer give a rat’s dinkle if I “measure up” or have reached “this tall so I can ride this ride.” Why? Because it is much easier to be who I am than pretend to be what someone else expects of me.
I sing badly, so I sing where no one can hear me (i.e. in the shower where the acoustics are fabulous). I dance like a one legged frog on a hot pavement, so what? If that bothers you, don’t watch me. I’m not a good conversationalist until we get to know each other, so feel free to inquire and let’s get to know each other.
When you look in the mirror, do you see someone trying to be what others expect you to be or do you see the wonderful gift that is YOU? So….Am I “good enough”? No! I am so much more than merely “good enough,” I am ME and I enjoy it!